I feel like the title of this blog is self explanatory! It doesn’t matter what the issue is or who is actually to blame for it…Dad is definitely the one getting blamed. Especially, if the ex-wife can use the issue to place more blame on dad and make him look worse in the kids eyes.
The ex-wife would scream to everyone that my husband had access to the kids whenever he wanted. However, he would show to pick the kids up and they wouldn’t be home. She wouldn’t answer phone calls. She would then have one of them call him HOURS later asking why he didn’t go pick them up.
If he had to work on one of the weekend days that was his weekend, she would refuse to let the kids come for his visitation because he would have to pick the up in the evening. She would not let me get them or watch them while he was at work. So, she would again tell the kids he didn’t want to see them. She loved to tell them that he had a new family and he no longer cared about them. That was her go to excuse for everything.
We would plan birthdays to the closest weekend we had the kids. It didn’t always happen that way, the ex-wife would either have an excuse as to why we couldn’t have/see the kids or she would just disappear when my husband would go to pick them up. There were times we didn’t get to see the kids for well over two weeks pass their birthdays. This became normal for all holidays!
It got to the point that we were no longer surprised when we couldn’t see the kids. She started using them as pawns pretty quickly, using them against my husband at every turn and I believe wholeheartedly she fucking enjoyed it! It was very obvious that she didn’t care about the kids feelings or mental health. All she cared about was hurting my husband as much as she possibly could.
She could not deal with the fact that my husband had moved on. Now, keep in mind she had moved on herself and was living with another man months before I even meet my husband. But, in her world, he was supposed to be miserable the rest of his life. He was supposed to be completely heartbroken and never able to move on. She honestly believed that and I’m sure she prayed that that is exactly what would happened to him. I don’t believe he was ever heartbroken over her, I know he wasn’t. He has said that to many people on numerous occasions. And then…Unfortunately, for her…I came around and he fell in love!
Even after she had successfully taken the kids away completely from my husband, she continued to blame him every chance she got. Once the oldest had moved out and gotten alway from the ex-wife…she would send her emails continuously and blame my husband for her own actions. And the fact that she had pushed her own daughter out of her life quickly became my husband’s fault. When that didn’t work, she would then start blaming my husband and I for brainwashing the kid against her. However, we hadn’t been able to have contact with this kid until AFTER she had moved out of the ex-wives house at the age of 16.
The ex-wife had cut off all contact between my husband and his children around the beginning of 2010. We filed motions in the court for contempt, she would be court ordered to give my husband the phone number to contact the kids and a week later she would have a new phone number. We sent the kids cards for holidays and they would be sent back unopened, “Return to sender”. E-mails would be blocked or ignored. He literally had no way of contacting the kids for years.
We would find the kids on social media and be blocked immediately! If not, he would get a message from the kids that was definitely not written by them. The wording and the things stated in the emails gave the ex-wife away immediately! The letters sent to our family was in the ex-wives had writing! We knew the kids were her pawns and she was doing everything she could to ruin any chances my husband had of having a relationship with the kids. But, of course it was all his fault! He did it!
The ex-wife was successful but, only with one child. Once the oldest got away from her, she reached out and started asking questions and talking with my husband. There are still things she does not know about and there are some questions we haven’t fully answered. We have left out some details to certain situations that we don’t think will do her any good knowing all of the information.
Unfortunately for us…this kid is smart as hell and has done her own research in the courts, family & children services and remembers way more than the ex-wife would like her too. There have been a few times she has asked some questions in which I was vague on answering but….she flat called me out and told me exactly what the real answers were. She wasn’t mad, she knew why I wasn’t being completely honest but, she told me that there was no reason to try and make it sound better that what the truth was. She knows exactly who the ex-wife is as a person and trying to “save her” from the truth isn’t what she wants.
We have been completely open and honest with her since. Even when the answers are going to hurt her, we tell her. She deserves to know, she has a right to know what the truth is. And I am 1000% positive she knows the truth when she ask the questions anyways. We have to remember she is not a child anymore, she is a grown adult and when she ask, it’s because she wants to know. We haven’t lost contact since! And here we are 15 yrs later watching her be an amazing mom to our amazing grandkids!
So, all the games the ex-wife played, all the lies she told and continues to tell are coming to light! I’m sure she isn’t happy about that but, that’s not my problem! I’m sure it burns her ass we are watching our grandkids grow up and they will never know what she looks likes! She did this to herself!
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